What's that you Zè? I'm relocated?

My post had to be changed because my lodging wasn’t headed in the direction of passing safety standards by the time I move in in three weeks. So my new post is in Ze (so much easier to say and spell than Allassankome anyway, right?) in the same region. I visit next Wednesday so I’ll give you the detes then.

We had our first GAD (gender and development) talk today. There are two campaigns that all volunteers, regardless of sector, have a role in: GAD and HIV/AIDS prevention. The woman who spoke was the head of GAD Benin, likely one of the most feminist individuals in Benin, and though her relationship with her husband was on the whole one of equal opportunities and responsibilities, she admits that it is still necessary for her to “save face” on her husband’s behalf regarding cultural norms. For instance, if family or friends come over, she must go into the kitchen and cook and serve while he socializes. She explained it as that she “doesn’t allow” him to enter the kitchen, like it's her choice and he would do so otherwise, if he were allowed. If another man, friend or family, were to criticize how she takes care of her husband, she could say nothing in defense. Women do not know how much their husbands make, may have no say in whether or not they take multiple wives (not everyone practices polygamy but it is far from uncommon), do not have the right to know where the husbands go at any time. These are, of course, generalizations; there are many people who do not fit this description, but I feel comfortable enough in labeling them as general truth. Bouvettes (the all-purpose café/restaurant/bar depending on time of day) are male-dominated. You never see a group of females and certainly never a woman alone.

However, there is no pay difference between men and women here, and people say that there are no restrictions to the jobs that women have, even that it is easier for them to get a job with an international agency because the U.S. and European countries favor women in development positions. 

As Americans, we are somewhere in the middle. We automatically command a respect and freedom that many African women do not. There are at times less barriers to our conversations with Beninese men, or perhaps were are forgiven for bringing up a topic because we do not know it is culturally sensitive. Since we are American women, it seems more acceptable for us to have a drink at a bouvette, though I feel like we are subject to more sexual harassment as well.

Another concept hard to wrap my head around is that love here isn’t like what we’re used to in the states. Many marriages are ones of convenience, not of love. They do not say “I love you” or ever show affection, at least publicly. If you ask if a spouse loves another they might say something like “of course,” but they don’t conceive of love as romantically as we do. (Again, generalizations, there are many, many exceptions.) Let’s just say Hallmark would never make it here.

Less serious topics/comical anecdotes of the last week:

-       Belgium has a program where instead of sending juvenile delinquents to a juvenile hall, they send them to western Africa for a few months of manual labor. Makes you think twice about shoulder tapping at a liquor store.

-       Twins here carry around a doll representing their twin in the case that one has passed away. I’ve seen it several times strapped to children’s backs like how a woman would carry a baby, and I’m told they have to keep it their whole lives.

-       Unfaithful spouses (scratch that, unfaithful husbands) call their extramarital affairs the “deuxieime bureau” and “troisieme bureau” (second and third offices), an apt nickname I think.

-       Some volunteers say that kids sit outside their screen doors and just watch them, whatever it is that they may be doing- reading, cooking, anything. Peace Corps explains that for the next two years we should think of ourselves as “living inside a fishbowl.”

-       There is pretty intense Nigerian xenophobia here. Not only are Nigerians looked down upon, but everything Nigerian is seen as dirty or cheap. Anytime anything breaks it is automatically assumed that it is from Nigeria. Peace Corps volunteers are not allowed to travel to Nigeria for any reason. Its grounds for immediate expulsion.

-       We visited a traditional healer a few days ago and it was incredibly interesting. She told us that traditional healing can cure everything, including AIDS, if the affected person follows the instructions of the healer. They use mostly bark from various trees, mixed with various liquids, that one either drinks or showers with. Many of the remedies required mixing the bark with some kind of hard alcohol, so at least you think you feel better.